DARKNESS

AS I LOOK AT THE CAMERA, I THINK COME TO ME MY DARLING, YOUR NECK LOOKS SO APPEALING, AS I MOVE IN POSITION TO POSE. SMOOTH PALE SKIN, UNDERNEATH YOUR VEINS ARE CALLING OUT TO ME, I HAVEN'T HAD VISTORS AND A LONG TIME, DON’T MIND THE COBWEBS, SO COME CLOSER AS WE MOVE THROW THE DARKNESS OF THE NIGHT!

JESSE

15 THINGS I AM THANKFUL FOR

1) THE WAY I AM
2) THE ABILITY TO CHOOSE
3) F A M I L Y
4) LOVE
5) LIFE
6) TEACHERS
7) M U S I C
8) GIRLS
9) JESUS AND GOD
10) FEELINGS
12) SECOND CHANCES
13) MOVIES
14) FORGIVENESS
15) COMPUTERS

JESSE

Dream

I keep having this dream, I'm pushing' my little sister on the swing.
She keeps screaming, she don't want me to leave
"You're making Mommy cry, why? Why is Mommy crying?"
Julie, Jesse is not leaving no more, as she says "Jesse you're lying
"You always say that, you always say this is the last time
"But you are not leaving no more, Jesse you're mine"
She's piling boxes in front of the door trying to block it
"Jesse please, Jesse don't leave, Jesse - no stop it!"
Goes in her pocket, pulls out a tiny necklace locket
It's got a picture, "this'll keep you safe Jesse, take it with you'"
I look up, it's just me standing in the mirror
These stinkin walls must be talking, because man I can hear 'em
They're saying "You've got one more chance to do right" - and it's tonight
Now go out there and show that you love your family 'jess before it's too late
And just as I go to walk out of my bedroom door,
It's turns to a cop car , they're gone, and this hand cuffs are on
And I'm saying, I love you Julie, and don’t give up on me just yet, and as I
Drive away she says I just wish he would do right,
Then I wake up alarm clocks beeping, I get up and start stretching, and as I
Eat my cereal, I cant stop thinking that’s not the life I want my family to remember me as having.


JESSE

“MY HIGHER POWER”

My higher power is not just an individual person, it’s the father and son. Jesus came down and died for me so that my sins can be forgiven and that I can talk to him when I am feeling down and ask him to forgive me for all the bad things I have done in my past. God is my good, orderly direction of my future and the forgiveness I have for myself, for being a person that makes mistakes and will change myself by turning myself into God. I tried changing so many times, but it would never work until I asked god and Jesus to come into my life and to take control of my life and to help me make the right decisions. I am so happy I came across my higher powers, I love them and my family, and hope forgiveness is in their hearts too.

One Thing I Can't Live Without

One thing I Can't live Without would be my Family, just because all of the things I put them through as a kid and the things I haven't done yet. My family has been there for me all my life, even though they felt like giving up on me, I believe they all had it in their minds to not give up on me and that I can do something with my life. As long as I have faith I can stand up to any obstacle and can change my life as long as I am willing to change my addictions and habits. I LOVE MY FAMILY SO MUCH EVEN MY SISTERS BOY FRIENDS, BECAUSE IF IT WASENT FOR THEM I WHOULDN'T BE ABLE REALIZE WHAT I DO TODAY, I do care for my family even thow I didn't really show it, and I hope they still have faith that I can change and so I cant live without them careing the way they do.

Jesse

My Fear

I'm so tired of being here in the world,
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And if I have to leave
I wish that I could just leave.
Because my fear still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone.
These wounds won't seem to heal.
This pain is just too real
there’s just too much that time cannot erase,
when I cry, I'd just hold in all of my fears.
When I would scream, I'd fight away all of your tears,
and I held my thoughts through all of these years

But I still have it All of me.
I used to appreciate me
By my resonating for life is gone.
Now I'm bound by the life I have left .
My fear it haunts,
all my most wonderful dreams.
My fear of a voice, chased away
all the sanity in me
I've tried so hard to tell myself that I am done
But though its still with me
I've been alone all along,

With my fear drugs and sadness.

JESSE

My Mom

My mom is actually a great person, only when she drinks is when she is not my mom any more. She is so out of control when she is on alcohol, I was taken from my mom to the state four different times. They always gave me and my brothers and sisters back to my mom. After a while I got sick and tired of the drinking, so I ran away and I got in trouble with the law and have been in states custody ever since.
When my mom was sober she was so nice but when she toke a drink, it was like she turned into the devil. As a kid I always thought it was my fault that my mom drank, she always told me and my brothers and sisters it was are fault she drank and we drove her so crazy that she hade to do it, but as I grew up and got older, I realized that it was not mine and my brothers and sisters fault that she is an alcoholic. And that she will never change, unless she wakes up one day and realize that she does not half I live the way she is living and that there is hope for her life.
Her Son Jesse

A Prayer

WE READ A STORY IN CLASS ABOUT HIP HOP CULTURE, AND I WHANTED TO SAY A PRAYER ABOUT HIP HOP AND THE GANGSTER LIFE.

Heavenly father, please hear me tonight
I need so much guidance to live my life right
Sometimes the pressure is to hard to bear
I often wonder if anyone cares

How can I wake up and face a new day
Knowing I have to live my life this crazy way
Heavenly father forgive all my sins
I want to change but where do I begin

Give me the strength to resist the nightly gun fire
please God bless my familie
who's eyes silently plead for me,
not to go, as they watch me leave
And God bless my mother
who cries every night,
hoping I don't get killed in another gun fight

Heavenly father. please answer my prayer
let me know you're listening up there
When will it end? What's it for?
To prove to my homies that I am down, I am hard core

Sometimes I wonder how I will die
A bullet wound? A knife in my side?
Heavenly father; please hear me tonight
give me the courage and strength to live my life right
Show me the way. Help give me peace
So I don't have to fight

Thank you for your forgiveness Lord
and for still being there, and most of all
Thanks for listening to a "GANGSTER'S PRAYER"

AMEN

JESSE

IT’S UP TO ME

I believe drugs are very powerful sub stances. They can destroy your life. I know from experience that you can only stop using if you say you will not do it any more. People that have addictions of any drug or alcohol, are powerless over their addiction. They can only change if they want to do so; no one in the world can change you, you have to do it yourself.

I tried changing but it would only work, until I quit using drugs and asked God to come into my life and, to take control of my life.

Jesse

All About Jesse

My name is Jesse and I love music. I grew up in Ogden, Utah. I have 3 brothers and 3 sisters. I also love playing basketball. I go to Summit High School. I have made some bad decisions in my life, but I am changing every day. I will graduate this year, early. I love everyone that has helped me in the past. Thank you school teachers, programs, family, music, and positive friends. I love you!!!!!!